


Alive

by surena_13



Category: The Hours
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-14
Updated: 2012-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-29 13:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/320405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surena_13/pseuds/surena_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarissa starts to live in the present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alive

**ALIVE**

Alive. For years Clarissa had pretended to be just that and while technically she was living, breathing, her heart pumping her blood through her veins, she had not felt it.

 

Yes, she had a life, a life many people probably craved. She had a girlfriend, a daughter, a good, well-paying job, the perfect apartment on the perfect location in New York filled with beautiful design furniture, she had it all, except the feeling that this life was her own.

 

Pretend, that was what it had been all about. Pretending to love the people she ought to love, to care about the flowers, the parties, the crab-thing Richard loved. Even when she was with Richard she pretended. Pretended not to be in love with him, not to still yearn for the life they might have had together.

 

Ironically that was the only time she could feel she was actually living, the moments she clung to a love that had died long ago. Sally never knew this. She may have guessed it, but Clarissa was certain that Sally didn’t know and wouldn’t understand. Richard, on the other hand, knew, at least that was what she thought. She sensed it, heard it, saw it in the way he acted around her.

 

And then he was gone, the one she considered the lost love of her life. Because of him she had been living in the past, constantly revisiting the days at Wellfleet, his hand on her shoulder, the soft kisses they had shared, the hours they had spent in her bed making love or just embracing. There wasn’t a day that didn’t go by that she couldn’t remember the feeling of his naked body against her own.

 

But now, now she had to start living in the present, she had to live the life she really had. Clarissa thought it was going to be impossible. Life without Richard didn’t seem like a life. It had the appearance of a nightmare.

 

But Laura Brown made her see reason in some way. She had to love the people she had, Sally, Julia, Barbara and even Louis. She had to cherish each moment with them she had, because it could all be over tomorrow. And so she had kissed Sally and in that one short, desperate kiss Sally had brought her back to reality, to this moment.

 

This is her life, she knows it now and she wants to love it. Clarissa knows she will. She switches the light off and enters the bedroom. Sally sits up in the bed and looks at her with a mixture of pity, confusion and love. Clarissa smiles.

 

Yes, this is what love looks like, right here, Sally in bed loving her. It doesn’t look like a decaying man with barely any sense of sanity left, sitting in an old chair in a messy, dark apartment wearing a smelly, ratty robe day in day out. No matter how much she had wanted it to be real love, it wasn’t. It was just a memory. What she and Sally have, that’s love.

 

She approaches the bed, sits down and just stares into Sally’s eyes. Clarissa extends her hand and lets her fingers dance over her partner’s cheek. Sally’s eyes close as she leans into the touch and a tear escapes that wets Clarissa’s fingertips.

 

Then they’re kissing, soft, sweet and loving. There’s nothing desperate, needy and frantic about their kisses now, no want to return to reality. This is them, now, how it’s supposed to be, how they were ten years ago when they fell in love, how they were eight years ago before Richard deteriorated, how they will be from now on.

 

They undress each other, not with the intention to have sex, but with the desire to simply touch, caress and explore. Softly and cautiously as if this is the first time they see each other naked. To Clarissa it sort of feels like it is.

 

She revels in the softness of Sally’s skin, the weight of her breasts in her hands, the feeling of Sally’s fingers on her skin, the feather light kisses on her jaw. Clarissa pulls back and kisses Sally’s lips again. They move against her own and suck on her bottom lip. The kiss is long and slow and Clarissa barely notices that Sally pulls the covers over both of them and switched the light off.

 

Sally wraps her arms around Clarissa’s waist and pulls her closer until their bodies are pressed together. Clarissa tries to remember the last time she felt like this, but fails. She’s experiencing something new and wonderful with someone she has shared a bed with for over ten years.

 

Softly Sally brushes a strand of hair behind her ear and kisses the small bump on her nose. She doesn’t need to say anything. Clarissa knows what she’s thinking. Sally is glad to have her back. Clarissa closes her eyes and in the darkness in the warmth of Sally’s arms she feels safe, loved, alive.

 


End file.
